All the cool kids are doing it, so here’s mine:

If you call me “Andrew”, then you are my parents, Jennifer, or Jenn talking about me.
If you call me “Love”, then you are Jenn talking to me.
If you call me “Fred”, you’re a member of my extended family.
If you call me “Wiggy”, then you are one of my close friends, or anyone I’ve talked to online in the past few years.
If you call me “BigWig”, then you know me from some online game.
If you call me “Wiggamachu”, “Wiggles”, or “Mr. Wigglesworth”, then you are Joseph from High School.
If you call me “Wig”, you are lazy.
If you call me “Wiggs”, you are Kat.
If you call me “Wiggimov”, you are squeakymewmew.
If you call me “Mr. Wignall”, you have absolutely no idea who I am.