Well, at work today, I had what I can describe as the most frightening moment where I was lucid. I’m at work, and suddenly I realize that something’s not quite right. I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel otherwise fine. Then, there it is again. Something out of the corner of my eye. It’s… nothing. But not quite nothing. It’s something I can’t see. Not a blur, because I can focus on it, but nothing my brain is registering. Then it’s a blur. Then I feel light-headed. I start moving my hand and notice there’s a point where I can no longer see it, but I can focus on it and see it. I rush and sit down, and it keeps happening. I close my right eye, thinking it may be my contact, but the same thing is happening with my left eye. I close the sinister twin with the same result. I can’t think very clearly at this point, but I start wondering if this is what a stroke would feel like.

I quickly tell my manager I’m feeling ill and go to get some food. I have a thought that it might be low blood sugar acting way up, as I realize I had little to eat by that point. I hop over to target and call my next of kin to let them know what’s going on as I snarf down some sugar-rich food. I take out my contacts, and am somewhat pleasantly suprised that everything is now blurry. Which is, y’know, to be expected when you remove your vision correction. I refill my soda a few times, waiting for my glasses and ride home to arrive, should I need it. The glasses seem to help, but they’re so old and bespeckled by their peeling covering that it’s hardly better than squinting.

I hate missing work, and I started out the day feeling superb. But the fact that I have no idea what’s going and can’t seem to think or walk straight overrides my desire to be with my coworkers. I call the rest of the night in, and make a beeline for the internet. First to try and find a doctor that’s open after 5 on a Saturday that takes my insurance, and a quick Google search to see if I have something easily explainable. Well, a few results show that I’m exhibiting the lion’s share of symptoms of {en:hypoglycemia}. This makes me feel somewhat better, as I continue to grep a list of doctors from my insurance website in an attempt to find somewhere to go. Also, the sheer amount of Pepsi and chocolate I’d partaken no doubt helped.

Bottom line, I never did find a doctor, but I’m feeling much better now, aside from a splitting headache. I’ll find my way to a doctor as soon as possible, but I’m fairly sure that I’m hypoglycemic. And possibly diabetic.

I’m going to get tested for diabetes. And, dollars to donuts, it’s going to turn out that I have diabetes. I’m not sure why, but I seem to have remained blithely, even intentionally, unaware as to what diabetes entails. I’ve always been told by my parents that I have low blood sugar, like my father before me, but never wanted to think I was diabetic. Now, it seems that my mother has diabetes, as discovered by a recent series of medical visits that I have been less informed about that I would prefer. Yet still, I didn’t really research it. I think I knew in some part of me that I had it, despite not knowing what it is.

I’m scared. I don’t know what’s in store for me. But I’m not scared of facing it, because I know I can get through it, and I have people who will help me. I’ll get through it, I just have to face up to it.

May the force be with me.